Bumbershoot violence

it was a cold, rainy, windy, snowy day about a month back. maybe longer. for some odd reason i decided that i wanted to pierce my face many times that day(i have no idea why). so i decided that if i wanted to do this, i should at least do it right, and go over to the waterlooplein to buy a piercing needle.

i have this problem that whenever i am about to go outside, i always think i am tougher than i really am. i went outside that day with only a tee-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, and an umbrella (and all the other stuff i don't need to mention, in case your confused). it took about five minutes to remember that i am really not as macho as i thought i was, and that the rest of the journey would include alot of pain that i was unable to bear with dignity. oh well. (why would i want to pierce myself?)

i set out and thought i would take a short cut, a way that i had never taken before, or heard of any one taking before. i also have a problem over estimating my navigational abilities, and very soon found myself lost. im not sure how long i was gone exactly, it turned to a blur after 30 minutes. i remember walking through the wind/snow/rain, over canal after canal, asking people where the plein was, and always getting a very strange look from them, just before they tell me im on the wrong side of town. then it started to hail. (do normal people get these kinduf urges?)

remember that it was a really really windy day. my umbrella this entire time was being blown inside-out, and out-side in, and sideways-down, and upside-left...you get the point. (if normal people do get these urges, don't they usually ignore them???)

i had traveled long and far and i felt i was getting close. maybe i'll only need to ask one more person...one...more...per..son. i saw someone walking my way so i stopped her. she was a dutch woman, about my age, very attractive, and seemed friendly. with my umbrella over my shoulder i asked her:

"excuse me, but do you know where the waterloo..."

it was at this moment that a large, strong, violent gust of wind blew from behind me, caused my umbrella, still in my hands, to smash into the young, helpless, dutchie.

it hit her hard.

i mean really really hard.

"oh...my...gosh...i...am...soo..sorry..the..wind..umbrella...sorry...cold...smash...face...sooo...sorry"

i think she accepted my pathetic apology as she walked away holding her face. i made it to the plein, feeling horrible about my abusive tendencies. the market was closed. i went home. thank God it was closed, i don't know what i would have don't if i woke up the next day with a bunch of holes in my face...what a stupid idea!!! (not piercing in general, only the idea of piercing my face all over).

things that i learned:

1)im not as tough as i think i am (at least when it comes to the cold)

2)im not as good at navigating as i think i am (at least when it comes to amsterdam)

3)when i wake up in the morning with a very strange urge, especially if it involves needles, ignore it

public humility

background for non-amsterdamers - 1) after dark in amsterdam you must wear back and front lights while biking 2) you are not allowed to bike on some shopping streets 3) if you voliate either of these rules you risk being stopped by the police and getting a fine.

so about everyonce in a while i am really amazed by obvious thoughts, just because it sounds so nice. thoughts like: i am walking across a bridge in amstedam!", and, "i am cooking amsterdam!", and, "i am working at a youth hostel in amsterdam!".

the other day i was about to start my late cafe shift and hennie mentioned to me that we were out of those little packets of butter and we would need them for tomorrows breakfast. she asked me if i wouldnt mind biking over to our "sister" hostel and picking up a couple extra boxes. of course i said yes, being the nice guy that i am.

after biking around town for about 30 minutes (its a 10-15 minute bike ride, if you know where your going) i arrived at the other hostel, got the goods and started heading back. it was now that i had one of these wonderfully obvious thougts. i have to admit i was feeling a little bit prideful about my biking skills and navagating abilities when i thought:

"I am biking across across amsterdam! after dark through a shopping street! with two boxes of butter ducktaped to the back of my bike! and with no lights! on saterday!!!"

it was right while i was finishing this thought that i heard a very loud, strange noise coming from my left.

"AAAaa, OOOooh!!!" (very similar to the battle cry from thundercats for those who are familiar)

i looked over, while biking, to see a tall, blonde haired, square jawed police officer, standing on the other side of the street, with his finger pointing straight at me. by this time all the people within ear shot stopped (saturday remember) and were staring at the officer and i.

i slowed my bike down a bit and we made eye contant. with his finger still raised he started slowly shaking his head (can you picture it?). i fully stopped my bike, lowered my head, got off and started walking. i felt like a little kid that had just gotten scolded in class. i kept my head down a little and didnt look back. im pretty sure i heard people lauging though. i guess im happy that i didnt get a ticket, the officer must have figured that public humilation was enough of a punishment. (tribute to thundercats, you will live on in our hearts forever!)

Tonight I was bible leader for the first time in a couple months. Last time I was bible leader I shared about the hermeneutical principle that all theology, including eschatology, must come from exegesis. I felt very pleased with it, after the 45 minute lecture, everyone was so deep in thought about what had been shared that they were speechless.

Afterward I was told by my (American) bible support that I should maybe, kind of, want to think a little bit more about, you know, who was maybe attending, and stuff like that. If I want. It took me a while to get over the rebuke, but I was glad that they chose to say something, even if it was a bit harsh.

I spent a lot of time in prayer for this bible study, hoping that I wouldnt fall into the same trap of the enemy. I felt that I should lead the bible study on lust, and I felt that the holy spirit gave me a really great idea to make it easier understood for the guests that come. I knew we have a lot of refugees from Africa, so I made sure to remember this while preparing.

"Well, thank you all for coming. Im hoping we can have a nice discussion here tonight. Everyone feel free to talk, but try to keep it related to the subject and not talk for more than a couple minutes to give everyone a chance. Tonights topic is: 'when you are being chased through the jungle by a hoard of screaming amazons with spears and on horseback, trying to capture you to use as a sex slave.'"

Complete silence

My idea seemed so great. We could talk about the temptations of lust, about overly aggressive women, and about what to do after we have failed. I guess my idea for the bible wasnt as well out as I thought, for these reasons:

o I guess amazons are from South America and not Africa
o I also guess that Amazons are an ancient race, and havent been around for a while
o No African refugees came to the bible study, but a group of very attractive Argentinean girls came instead. Talk about awkward.

Needless to say the bible study didnt go as planned. I havent sweat that much since my old sauna days. Nothing like hitting rock bottom for the Holy Spirit to come and pick you up again. I still feel pretty bad, but I guess before the next bible study I will have to do some research.

The sharks and the jets... in the Willemsstraat?

Whenever one enters into a new environment, it always takes some time to learn what is acceptable and what is not, the do's and dont's. Usually this is seen with the leniency towards rules and not towards social behavior. i seem to have found an exception.

This first came up the day i arrived. Hennie informed me that i was to be working at the shelter city for the next 6 months (hopefully), and i thought nothing more of it. no big deal right. wrong.

I arrived at the Willemsstraat later on that day and started meeting the occupants. One of the first staff members i talked to was the petite polish madga. We made small talk for a couple of minutes, "hi, im zac"..."Where are you from?"..."what do you think of Poland?".., yatta yatta yatta. Then the topic of where i was working came up.

"which shelter are you working at?" she asked me.

"the city."

"i guess we wont be talk much then" and she started getting up to walk away.

"what do you mean?"

no reply.
Then she just walked out of the room. What did she mean by that? whatever, "maybe its a polish thing or something". So i went about my business. i didnt talk to many other people that day, my mind was busy processing the enigma of the penguin.

the next day i worked my morning cafe shift and then returned to the house. I made myself some lunch and sat down to eat. there were still quite of people that i hadn’t met.

Sitting across the table from me was a bearded man wearing a bathrobe, probably around his mid forties. i just figured that part of the ministry was to allow homeless people to eat with us or something. i decided to just ignore him. later i found out that this was Marco.

sitting to my left was Katya. we started making small talk but we were interrupted by a loud mustached man,

"Katya, he's a 'city'."

"Oh my, i didn’t know Ryan, i swear."

Then he turned to me, "cities sit over there" as he pointed to another table.

At first i thought he was kidding and i kept eating. But that mustached face remained stern, and i realized that he was serious. "okay" i thought "they just have different tables for the different staff, no biggie". and i moved to the other table. i ate quickly then went to the kitchen to put my dishes in the dishwasher. I noticed a huge pile of dishes mounding up out of the sink.

A girl, who i found out later was Cecilia, pointed at the pile and said, "these jordan people never clean up after themselves, their like animals...filthy animals"

This was getting very interesting. i decided to go upstairs and read through some of the information Hennie had given me about the shelter, to see if i could find anything about rivalry between the different staff, and how to deal with it. On my way up the stairs a very funny looking man with a long goatee met me.

"We need to talk," he said, "follow me."

He led me up the stair to the second door on the right. a big sign on the front door said, "CITIES ONLY!" He led me in and when i arrived there was already a young man, probably about twenty-two, in the room waiting for me.

"hi, im jason" he said, "and this is neal. Welcome to the shelter brother. We thought we should tell you some things, before you have to find out the hard way. The jordans are evil. They want to destroy everything that is good here in the Willem. They have been illegally dealing cruesli and hoarding the strawberries (we have the main market on the bananas though). They cover our floors with filth and often break things."

"there are some rules we follow here" said neal, "rules hennie didn’t mention. rule number one: no making friends with the jordans. rule number two: no talking with the jordans. rule number three: no going to the jordan. four: no buying jordan sold goods, we all like cruesli, but we are only supporting them if we buy it from them. five: no liking jordans."

"these jordans are bad kid" chimed in jason, "real bad. you especially have to watch out for dave and ryan, those two are some bad mo fo's. you understand everything we're saying kid?"

i sat there stunned. i thought i was coming to work in a ministry in Amsterdam, but i arrived in the middle of gang wars instead. Oh well i thought, i have kinduf always wanted to be in a gang.

"yeah, i understand, and i wont be taken any crap from no jordans, you dont need to worry about me, im cool."

"good," they both said.

since that day there’s been a few things to get used to. like the slashed bike tires and unexpected punches in the stomach. but over all i have been adjusting quite well. im proud to be a city and will fight against those jordan scum till the day i leave...amen.

Penguining

i have been at the Willemstraat for over a week now. since i arrived i have had many questions, but specifically one has been weighing on my mind. This question has distracted me during work, has kept me up late at night, it has reacurred in my dreams, and has consumed all my idle thoughts.

This question is not "where is the penguin?" but more "who is this penguin?"

When first entering the Shelter Community, everything seemed like a normal Christian community. But after a few hours i started noticing murals and historical pictures on the walls, and after days of laborious interpretation, they have told quite a story:

The first strange thing i noticed was after i unpacked my luggage and was on a journey through the halls to relieve myself. on the way i noticed several pictures that were quite disturbing, and after the important business at hand, i returned to investigate more.

First i observed a picture of a young girl holding this short legged flightless bird. the look in her eyes was a look of total admiration, along with total devotion. Her love for the bird, though unaudiable, seemed more obvious than the love of a young groom for his bride. very touching.

second i saw a picture that seemed to depict a sort of religious ritual. i saw marco, the bearded canadian (or south-american, or german), grovelling before this small but highly respected figure. he seemed to be offering a sacrafice to it (or is it him?) of a highly caffinated drink. the penguin seemed very unresponsive to the sacrafice of his fervent follower. maybe marco should have tryed some krill, squid, or fish?

and finally i saw the third picture, which made it all come together (or so i thought). this was a picture of anther young girl holding the penguin above her head with one hand, and with the other hand she was pointing to the peguin. of course the picture was making no noise, but it seemed to be shouting "Bow down to your Master!!!"

my mind was racing. had i unknowingly joined a mysterious peguin worshiping cult? was i to become one of his servant, along with the rest of the shelter staff? now that i have joined this community would they let me leave? or was i to be a prisoner of the peguin forever? would i have to fight through these passionate followers, using my advanced kung fu skill? to say i was a bit anxious would be quite a understatement. at the time there was nothing to do but wait until i met the peguin. maybe he wouldnt be that bad. maybe we would get along. i guess i have always thought that peguins were cute.

all day i waited for the next ritual or service, where i would get to meet the peguin face to face. hour after hour went by and there was no penguin. despite my expectancy i was still hungry (when i travel i dont always stay well fed). and i decided to eat some dinner. i prepared myself a toastie, which seems to be designated food for the community, and sat down to eat at the table. i dipped my toastie in my mound of ketchup, took a bite and looked up. to my great suprise there was the peguin...

actually it wasnt the penguin, it was just another picture of him, the missing link if you will. this picture had two pictures of the penguin, and above him the words were written, "If you want to see the penguin again alive...". It was a ransom note, in my estimation written by radical muslims. everything started making sense.

This is my conclusion: the shelter community used to be a peguin worshipping cult. The peguin was kidnapped for ransom by a radical islamic sect and the members of the community were unable to meet the ransom demands. after a few days of mourning the community converted to christianity. this is where i come into the story. i guess i picked a good time to come, me being christian and all. but i still would have liked to meet the penguin, just once.